Chapter 1

Chapter 1

My mother used to say – ‘daughters are destined to repair and paint others’ walls’.

Without understanding the real meaning of this, I used to throw a swift smile.

But perhaps with her own sordid incident , she might have feared negative impact in my life, she later advised ‘Sushila, don’t you get married, or will suffer the most.’

Mom must have been panicked by that incident.

With education, today I have been able to earn my own identity and prestige. It has been years I moved to Kalimpong, but living a secluded life, away from my relatives. Kalimpong is my workplace now. After parents’ deaths, I even stopped visiting my village.

That incident brought radical change in my life and forced new thinking, but that did not obstruct my aims, rather I started pursuing aims intensively. Aimless person cannot live, everyone has an aim. Some achieve high respect, popularity and become renowned achieving their high aim. Unfortunately, some can’t, and destroy their lives.

Generally, no one wants to destroy own life, but they keep dragging their life like a massive falling landslide, that cannot be contained, but disappears own existence.

With self dignity I am happy in flying independently as I wish. Unfortunately today my parents are no more to see my progress. That incident caused major trauma in them . A man can live without wealth but not without respect in the society.

My fahter was a proud person who was well respected in the society, but due to lack of awareness, everything was ruined.

There are many illiterate people in our village as well as in many parts of the country. Extreme poverty and illiteracy contributed to lack of public awareness. They are vulnerable to emotional blackmail, consequently being cheated repeatedly. They are the easy targets of the scammers.

Reclining on the bed, I was thinking hard.

‘knock, knock, knock’ – I heard soft knocks at my closed door. Who could be here at this time ?

I go and open the door. Two small school girls were standing on the door. They must have arrived to live in the neibourhood. I could recall the neighbour Roshni telling me the other day that school children were coming to live in her house, and was busy cleaning and tidying up the house.

Seeing me, the girls jostled to get introduced with me but were apparently hesitant to speak. I could guess their reluctance. Theirs was the first encounter with me and were still unsure of how to get into speaking with me, perhaps due to my physical appearance. I may have looked weird due to my female appearance, body structure, shaved head, wearing men’s attire, but these were just normal for me. I am like that.

Seeing them unable to utter anything, I initiated the dialogue – ‘Why you guys are here? How can I help you?’

With a formal introduction, one of them spoke ‘sorry, we couldn’t connect our stove to the gas cylinder, would you kindly help please.’

With a little smirk, I went in to their room and got their stove connected to the cyclinder. The other girl gave me a sweet betel-nut as a token of thanks. Usually I don’t buy betel-nut, but if anyone offers, I can’t resist. Shoving the sweet paan into mouth, I exited and went on to enjoy eating it sitting on my balcony.

***

Going through the memory lane, I remember how reckless and defiant child I was. Quick in rampaging, sharp in tongue. Housemates lodged complaints against me almost everyday. Angry dad used to lash out me with broom grass.

In the classroom, I used to climb on desks and run like I were jogging in the field. When my foot thumps were heard in the office, my teacher used to hit my palms with rattan stick and scold me. But I was used to dust off hands and keep smiling bending over the desk.

In the morning the teacher gave sweets, but at mid or end of the day she used to hit. I was defiant when mother warned me not to tell certain thing to other’s but